Sibling Fighting (Part II)


I’m sure most of us, if not all of us, have been here. You hear your children fussing and arguing over a toy or activity. The voices get louder and louder. Then, you hear a “smack” and then a child cries or yells in pain and disbelief. What do you do then? How do you effectively and positively communicate to the offending child that hitting and saying mean things are not permitted in your home and are not acceptable? Ever.

That’s the topic for this week’s Peace Works video blog.

Today, I want to share a few things things with you that I think you will find most helpful and beneficial. I will also share some valuable resources. Take a look at some of the main points that are featured this week.

  • How can you brainstorm with your child about alternative solutions for disagreements
  • When is the best time to sit with your child and discuss his/her actions and brainstorm together
  • What tool can you use to help your child make better and healthier choices
  • What resource helped me and my family overcome this stressful issue

I hope you enjoy this week’s video. Remember to leave your comments or questions down below. I would love to hear from you.

As always…Happy Parenting


How to Use the Wheel of Choice -Based on the Positive Discipline books and materials written by Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott; Produced by Kelly Pfeiffer, Certified PD Lead Trainer; Positive Discipline Association,

Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too – Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish



  1. Donna Firer says

    Hi Kathleen
    Loved this segment – have you covered the topic of supporting impulsive (and I mean really, really impulsive) children in use of the Wheel of Choice. Specifically I am wondering if you have thoughts about how parents might think about setting up that initial conversation …

  2. Anna says

    I love these ideas Kathleen, and this style of parenting resonates deeply with me. However we have come to a large stumbling block when it comes to sibling fights! We have 4 very strong willed and aggressive boys; ages 8,6,3 and a 5 month old. We have tried so many things! We have had so many family meetings about fighting and not hurting each other, and we tried the wheel of choice as well. When we would tell them to use it they would refuse. I still love the idea, but wondering where we are going wrong! Any ideas?

    • says

      Hi Anna
      Thank you so much for sharing your very challenging situation. Hats off to all 6 of you. I urge you to first pick up Siblings without Rivalry. See link under blog post. It’s a very quick read as it is big print and has cartoon drawings of the “wrong and right” ways of responding. On pp. 144-45 is a quick summary of responses to 4 levels of sibling fighting, including when the situation is dangerous. Their approach is totally consistent with Positive Discipline.
      One thing I can tell you is that it is a great first step to simply acknowledge their feelings and to reflect each child’s viewpoint without suggesting that any of them is right.

      If you still have questions, apply for a free chat with me. My assistant is still setting up the application for the call so if you decide you want to do that and can’t find it at just write me and I’ll send it to you. The call is then free.

      wishing you happy parenting. Peace works!


  3. Sue says

    Lovely to use such a visually clear way to look for OPTIONS with the aim of finding SOLUTIONS. As a teacher, wife, grandmother, I often need to think in terms of options because they take the whole notion of “either me or you” out of the equation … and turn things in a positive direction … WE can TOGETHER choose a way that will suit us both and will give me AND you what we need (or want?).

Leave a Reply to Sue Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *